Let me ask you, have you ever felt unseen, misunderstood, or forced to hide your emotions with no way of empowering yourself? If you have, then you know how dogs feel when we dictate their lives without consent or consideration of their needs and desires. We all matter, dogs and humans alike. Who we are and what we need is essential to feeling fulfilled and is, ironically, also a big part of our mental health and how we self-regulate.

If you want to transform how you treat yourself and your dog, you must first empathize with your present dysregulation. Dysregulation is the internal persistent struggle that stops us from effectively managing our emotional responses and how we treat others and ourselves. Though rooted in past experiences, these automatic responses manifest in the present.

Let me explain. There was a time when if I was even slightly faced with perceived aggressive behaviour, I’d get triggered and would overreact, become agitated or docile,  and respond with anger or people please. These are responses that didn’t serve me or others around me very well, yet I acted this way for many years. If we don’t take the time to examine our existing unbalanced beliefs and reactions and learn where they come from and why, we are perpetuating our dysregulated selves, which most likely does not align with who we truly are and how we want to live our lives.

Unchecked, this will perpetuate more pain for everyone, our dogs included. Recognizing how our unhealthy experiences have shaped our dysregulation, we can begin to challenge what we believe and change how we treat ourselves and our dogs.

To unleash your dog (and yourself) from dysregulation, you must first explore a new perspective of dogs in relation to yourself. You need to acknowledge that your deep-rooted negative experiences, dysregulation, and biases can prevent you from seeing your dog for who they authentically are. Dogs are unfiltered, honest, and loving beings, just as children are and as we once were. Deep down, without our egos getting in the way, we know that dogs aren’t just tools for our convenience. They are partners in a shared journey, and together, we can build a partnership built on respect and equality. If we don’t, big mistakes can happen.

Be kind to yourself. You can change your behaviour to align with your intentions, and every step you take towards awareness is worth acknowledging. We are not perfect, and neither are our dogs. We can simply do our best, and only when we know better can we take steps to do better. One of the most amazing things about humans is that we can conceptualize our limitations and improve ourselves to align with what we believe is optimal – and for me, it was a loving and respectful relationship with myself, my family and my human and dog kids.

To learn more, check out my book Unleash. There. I share insights and ways to overcome our pre-existing beliefs about dogs and encourage self awareness to elevate our relationship with them and ourselves.